I saw this video on a friends blog and LOVED it! I had to share it. It's completely true to my heart about how I feel about birth moms. They are the most beautiful, amazing, loving people I know! The act of the birth mom is the most selfless thing I know. I love when one of the moms shares that she placed her children with an adoptive family not because she didn't want them but because she loved them! This is a greater love than most of us have ever known!
Finding Hope
5.22.2012
5.21.2012
Debt Free Adoptions
While this may seem like an impossible term, debt free adoptions are very much achievable! When my 1st child was 18 months old I began to beg my husband to start the adoption process again. Although he thought it might be a bit to soon he reluctantly agreed as long as we did the adoption debt free. We had been working hard to get our first adoption paid off and didn't want to add to the debt. Sometimes I wonder if he thought this goal was to impossible and I would have to give up. To be honest, I knew it was impossible but thought if we just got connected with a birth mom there would be no turning back, right? What I didn't expect was God to TOTALLY answer our debt free adoption prayer.
We scraped together enough money to pay for the home study and once that was completed we began our fundraising. It seemed to us as if the home study was complete people would know we were serious about adopting again and we were not simply raising money for our next vacation. Here are several fundraising ideas for a debt free adoption. Some of these we did and others we helped friends do.
1. First we checked all of our savings, including our Roth IRA. We only pulled out what would money that was penalty free.
2. Garage Sale: Who would have thought that a garage sale could bring in over $2000.00. Honestly when I started this adventure I thought if I just bring in $500, all this work would be worth it. I called, emailed, talked to everyone in I knew in our town (and some surround areas) to ask them to clean out their house and donate any items the wanted to to our garage sale. We filled (literally) our church gym with items. At first I tried to use just 1/2 of the gym but as the items kept pouring in we had to open up the whole gym. I priced everything to sell. I wanted to hall as little as possible to the donation center afterwards. Plus people don't bargin as much if you already have it priced low. But when people did, I said YES!
3. We searched our house high and low to find 10 items we could sell for $100 each. I was surprised how easy this really was. We actually found more things and raised over our $1000.00 goal.
4. Dinners: We decided to do a chicken dinner. We had a team of people help with this one. We bar-be-qed 1/2 chickens and sold them with rolls, chips, and a dessert. We placed them in to go containers. Our church graciously let us sell them after church service, but you can sell them anywhere. There are many cheap dinner options you can choose from.
5. We did apply for some grants. We choose to do the ones that didn't cost us anything or very little to apply for. We didn't want to waste any of the money and were worried that grants might be hard to get. And for us they were. We applied for 3 grants and received nothing from them. But others have applied and did get something so we figured it was worth a shot and it really didn't take much of our time to do this.
6. Auctions: We have helped several friends but together an auction (live and silent). These are really great fundraiser that bring in a lot of money! We have seen them bring in anywhere from $7000.00 to $20,000.00. Just get a team of people and go into your community and start asking for donations.
7. We also sent out support letters to family and friends. Letting them know what we were doing and asking for prayer mostly, but any financial help they could give would be greatly appreciated! Here is a sample letter:
We scraped together enough money to pay for the home study and once that was completed we began our fundraising. It seemed to us as if the home study was complete people would know we were serious about adopting again and we were not simply raising money for our next vacation. Here are several fundraising ideas for a debt free adoption. Some of these we did and others we helped friends do.
1. First we checked all of our savings, including our Roth IRA. We only pulled out what would money that was penalty free.
2. Garage Sale: Who would have thought that a garage sale could bring in over $2000.00. Honestly when I started this adventure I thought if I just bring in $500, all this work would be worth it. I called, emailed, talked to everyone in I knew in our town (and some surround areas) to ask them to clean out their house and donate any items the wanted to to our garage sale. We filled (literally) our church gym with items. At first I tried to use just 1/2 of the gym but as the items kept pouring in we had to open up the whole gym. I priced everything to sell. I wanted to hall as little as possible to the donation center afterwards. Plus people don't bargin as much if you already have it priced low. But when people did, I said YES!
3. We searched our house high and low to find 10 items we could sell for $100 each. I was surprised how easy this really was. We actually found more things and raised over our $1000.00 goal.
4. Dinners: We decided to do a chicken dinner. We had a team of people help with this one. We bar-be-qed 1/2 chickens and sold them with rolls, chips, and a dessert. We placed them in to go containers. Our church graciously let us sell them after church service, but you can sell them anywhere. There are many cheap dinner options you can choose from.
5. We did apply for some grants. We choose to do the ones that didn't cost us anything or very little to apply for. We didn't want to waste any of the money and were worried that grants might be hard to get. And for us they were. We applied for 3 grants and received nothing from them. But others have applied and did get something so we figured it was worth a shot and it really didn't take much of our time to do this.
6. Auctions: We have helped several friends but together an auction (live and silent). These are really great fundraiser that bring in a lot of money! We have seen them bring in anywhere from $7000.00 to $20,000.00. Just get a team of people and go into your community and start asking for donations.
7. We also sent out support letters to family and friends. Letting them know what we were doing and asking for prayer mostly, but any financial help they could give would be greatly appreciated! Here is a sample letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
As you
know, we were blessed in 2009 with our first child Jayleena Grace. Previously
we have been unable to conceive, and instead of pursuing more fertility treatments,
we felt the God leading us towards investing in adoption. The adoption process was an amazing
journey for us. It wasn’t with out
its difficulties, but every step lead us to Jaylee and we would do it all over
again to bring her home! It has
been an incredible year with Jaylee.
She has brought more joy to our lives than we ever imagined. God truly answered our prayers and went
beyond our dreams.
Because of the joy we found in the adoption
process and in our daughter, it is our desire to adopt again. We have completed
our Home Study process and began our second adoption. Despite our
finances being tight, we felt the Lord leading us, knowing that if it is His
will, He would provide a way. You
have been exceedingly generous with our first adoption, praying for us, supporting
us financially, buying us baby things, coming to showers, and loving Jaylee by
welcoming her into your lives.
You
were a BIG part of our answered prayers and without your prayers and support we
would have not made it though. We
need your help again. Would you please consider praying and supporting us
though our next adoption journey?
If you
would like to be a part of God bringing a child to Himself through our family, please pray
with us that God will lead us to the exact child (children) He has picked out
for us. Pray that we will be matched to the perfect birth mom for us. Pray
that she will be safe and healthy and that she will receive the support she
needs during this process. We also ask you to pray with us for the
raising of the needed funds to adopt –they tend to overwhelm us a little. The cost of this adoption will be approximately $18,000. Pray that
we will be financially accountable before God and not proceed in any direction
without a clear call from Him. We have also
included a pledge card so you can let us know if you’ll be praying for us. If you feel led by God to help us
financially, we would be so grateful for gifts of any amount.
We will be
excited to share with you how God is working in our lives through adoption. If you would like to receive email
updates on our adoption process please list your email address on the enclosed
pledge card. Thanks for your
friendship!
God Bless,
Dave and Jenny Hill
Don't be overwhelmed by the debt of adoption. Instead be creative and think of ways you too can raise money to help offset the cost (feel free to use any of the ideas mentioned above). Believe me no matter what the cost it is more than worth it! But doing it debt free was just one more of the many blessing of God!
5.17.2012
Those We Have Loved and Lost
This post in dedicated in memory of all of the babies that were born into Jesus' arms. For me that is William Jean, Christian Belle, Jacob Thompson, and Hope. You are forever in my heart! I can't wait to hold you in Heaven.
Several months ago a very dear friend of mine gave me a copy of this book to read. Well as usual I let life get in the way for to long and never read this book. Today I decided it was the day. I sat down this afternoon and read this book. It has made my top list of books to ready and I can't believe I waited so long to read it. It was so good and it inspired me to honor my babies I have lost to miscarriage once more. There is so much in this book but one of the messages that stood out the most for me was not to let life get so busy that the important things pass by to quickly. Life goes fast enough on it's own, we need to sit back and take ever moment in so we will have no regrets. The Christmas Box is a book that I would highly recommend to anyone who has loved and lost! Don't be like me and wait months to read it. Pick up your copy today and open it!
More than likely if you are reading this blog it's because your life has been touch by the loss that comes with infertility, miscarriage, and/or adoption loss. When I first lost my babies to miscarriage it was so dear to my heart. I remember doing something in memory of each baby. It took me weeks to stop thinking about what could have been with each loss. I remember being so sad and depressed. This was all part of my healing process. While I don't want to get stuck in that depression I do want to remember that time in my life. I want to honor and love my babies that were born into Jesus' arms. I do not regret how my life turned out but to this day I still long to hold those babies. I will forever love them. Their sacrifice has helped shape my life and my story. Along with both my girls that God has blessed me with the opportunity to raise, I want my babies in Heaven to be honored. I believe I have six children and I want each their stories told. I love how the the author of The Christmas Box put his story to words so that we could all share in the blessing. I pray that some day whether it is published or not I will have the opportunity to do the same.
The friend who gave me this book also has her own story. She is right in the middle of her journey to children. She too has loved and lost. I now know exactly why she wanted to pass this book on to me and others to read. I believe that life begins at conception. So no matter if you had and unsuccessful Invitro treatment, a miscarriage, still birth, or child born that later died you know the pain that this book talks about. I love the story of The Christmas Box and I have to say that I may be inspired to start my very own Christmas Box and pick a day to honor my babies in Heaven. It's funny how stories like this can bring back so many of my memories during my journey to children. Memories I don't want to forget. As time goes on the pain seems to become less, but my memories are still very clear. I am grateful for my story and I pray that my story will give you hope to keep moving forward toward your dreams. I believe that God will answer your prayers, just be open to His will and His timing!
I hope this doesn't spoil the book for you but I wanted to share with you a letter in the book written from a mother who also loved and lost:
December 6, 1920
My Beloved One,
How I wish that I might say these things to your gentle face and that this box might be found empty. Even as the mother of our Lord found the tomb they placed Him in empty. And in this there is hope, my love. Hope of embracing you again and holding you to my breast. And this because of the great gift of Christmas. Because He came, the first Christmas offering from a parent to His children, because He loved them and wanted them back. I understand that in ways I never understood before, as my love for you has not waned with time, but has grown brighter with each Christmas season. How I look forward to that glorious day that I hold you again. I love you, my little angel.
Mother
Here is a link to the story of the book:
5.03.2012
Here it Comes Again.....
Mother's Day is fast approaching. This can be one of the most difficult days for those suffering with infertility, miscarriage, an/or pregnancy loss. Even being on the other side of this I still struggle with Mother's Day. I want to celebrate it but at the same time I remember being the one in the church pew sitting while all the mothers were standing. This was especially hard after miscarriages. I believed I was a mother. Just because my babies were born in Heaven didn't make me less of a mother, but it's sometimes hard to get the rest of the world to understand that. I hated mothers day! Here are are few of my worst Mother's Day Memories:
1. Sitting in church pew while they celebrated mothers.
2 Watching all the kids bring their mother's a gift.
3. At a family event someone close to me started counting all the mothers, and of course I was left out of that one. My only comment back was "There's one less than there should be"
4. Pretending I was ok. Even as the weeks and days approached to Mother's Day I started to get depressed but I always tried to let on that I was ok. Not sure I really did a good job at this.
5. People always assuming I was a mother and asking "How many children do I have?" After my miscarriages I always wanted to say 3, and here are they names, but they live with Jesus. Then ball my eyes out so they would feel bad. Real mature, I know.
6. Having to hear comments like you are a "spiritual mothers" What does that even mean? Maybe I'm selfish but I wanted more and I believed God called me to be more. I think it's what people say when they are rambling and don't know what to say to make you feel better. These are moments when people need to learn to SHUT UP!
So why is Mother's Day so hard? First of all because the world puts so much focus on it. I also believe its a day that we put to much pressure on. I remember feeling like such a failure on this day. My dream was to be a mom and if I couldn't even accomplish this I must be a failure. It's almost like our status in the world depends on whether we have reached motherhood or not. There is also a sense of loss or something missing. I remember feeling so broken hearted to the point of being lonely. I had good friends and family all around me but I still felt I was missing something. It was very difficult seeing all my friends and family members prayers get answered when I was still waiting on mine.
THESE FEELINGS ARE OK! As long as we don't get stuck there. No matter what other people say it's ok to be sad, lonely, and even a little depressed on Mother's Day. Just don't stay there. There are some things just better off keeping yourself from. If going to church will only bring on more pain, then don't go on Mother's Day. This may be a strange comment from a pastor's wife. It was definitely hard for me to convince my husband of this. I went to church every Mother's Day for 13 years while I was waiting to be a mother. That was just plain stupid! Don't intentional put yourself though that pain if you can avoid it.
On a more positive note I think this weekend should be more about you, not mothers. It's always a great idea to celebrate your mother, but that can be difficult when you are depressed. I still got my mom a card but I choose her birthday to celebrate her more than mother's day. It was just to hard to focus on Mother's Day. As much as the thought is appreciated I really didn't like when the church or people tried to make the day about all women instead of just mothers. I get what they were trying to do, but let's face it the "Hallmark world" made it mother's day and as much as we try we can't change it. It really only makes it more difficult when people try to. So we should let Mother's Day be Mother's Day and let all the mother's celebrate it with their children. But, we don't have to surround ourselves with it. Here are some ideas for you to forget about Mother's Day and focus on you!
1. Go away for the weekend with your husband. Make it a fun get away that the two of you can really enjoy. Try "kid free" places. Find something you both enjoy and have fun. Make it more like a date, or marriage enrichment weekend.
2. Have a spa weekend. Sleep in, get a massage, manicure, pedicure... Spend the weekend focusing on relaxing and enjoying some you time!
3. Use this time to connect with God. Spend time reading your bible, fasting, praying. Even if you have to go out of town and have a retreat with God.
4. Get focused. Set some new goals (fertility related or not).
5. Do some much needed spring cleaning!
6. If you need to continue to heal emotionally, take some time do something in honor or in memory of your fertility loss or miscarriage(s). If you are reading this blog it's likely that you have watched month after month go by and nothing. Or you have went though the difficult journey that a miscarriage can bring. Maybe you have even decided to move on to adoption only to find out that this journey is not any easier. It's important through each phase of the journey to children to find closure and healing. If you haven't found that you really can't continue on till you do. There are many ways that we can do this. Here are a few examples of what I did to say "good bye"
*Cried my eyeballs out!
*Released balloons in memory of my children lost to miscarriage. I watched until the balloons disappeared into the heavens. I often vision myself being greeting by my children holding balloons when I get to heaven.
*Donated money to a cause I was passionate about in memory of my children lost to miscarriage.
*Made a stepping stone for my landscaping with the word HOPE on it. I see this stepping stone every time I come in and out of my house. It reminds me to NEVER loose HOPE, my dreams can still come true.
*I prayed that God would help me forgive. After I spent sometime in prayer, and cried, and cried, and cried, I got up and left my hurt at the feet of Jesus. This really was the turning point in my journey. After I let God have the control my dreams slowly started to unfold right in front of my eyes.
7. Keep your dream alive! Never stop believing in your dreams. I promise you that if you are open to God's will and timing your dream will come true!
I really am a believer in happy ever after. I love movies with that kind of ending. Anyone who knows me knows that I need to know if someone is going to die in the end. It really won't ruin the movie for me it just helps me prepare for what's to come. Most likely if that's the kind of ending I'm in for I'm not even going to watch the movie. I love movies where the couple goes on to live happily ever after. And yep I'm just crazy enough to think that can happen in real life. Although real life does have some bumps in the road and movies can't really express that well. Life is hard and sometimes we wonder if we really are going to survive this together. I believe you can and you will! One of the most difficult things during my journey is that God knows the end of my story, He can even choose to change it. Unlike getting answers from friends about the movie's ending, God doesn't always reveal those answers to us. It can be very difficult to trust God. Why not trust Him? He knows the ending and he loves you enough to walk you though some of the most difficult times in your life, so he can make you the person he wants you to be. God never does this for no reason. I believe He is preparing you for your dreams to come!
1. Sitting in church pew while they celebrated mothers.
2 Watching all the kids bring their mother's a gift.
3. At a family event someone close to me started counting all the mothers, and of course I was left out of that one. My only comment back was "There's one less than there should be"
4. Pretending I was ok. Even as the weeks and days approached to Mother's Day I started to get depressed but I always tried to let on that I was ok. Not sure I really did a good job at this.
5. People always assuming I was a mother and asking "How many children do I have?" After my miscarriages I always wanted to say 3, and here are they names, but they live with Jesus. Then ball my eyes out so they would feel bad. Real mature, I know.
6. Having to hear comments like you are a "spiritual mothers" What does that even mean? Maybe I'm selfish but I wanted more and I believed God called me to be more. I think it's what people say when they are rambling and don't know what to say to make you feel better. These are moments when people need to learn to SHUT UP!
So why is Mother's Day so hard? First of all because the world puts so much focus on it. I also believe its a day that we put to much pressure on. I remember feeling like such a failure on this day. My dream was to be a mom and if I couldn't even accomplish this I must be a failure. It's almost like our status in the world depends on whether we have reached motherhood or not. There is also a sense of loss or something missing. I remember feeling so broken hearted to the point of being lonely. I had good friends and family all around me but I still felt I was missing something. It was very difficult seeing all my friends and family members prayers get answered when I was still waiting on mine.
THESE FEELINGS ARE OK! As long as we don't get stuck there. No matter what other people say it's ok to be sad, lonely, and even a little depressed on Mother's Day. Just don't stay there. There are some things just better off keeping yourself from. If going to church will only bring on more pain, then don't go on Mother's Day. This may be a strange comment from a pastor's wife. It was definitely hard for me to convince my husband of this. I went to church every Mother's Day for 13 years while I was waiting to be a mother. That was just plain stupid! Don't intentional put yourself though that pain if you can avoid it.
On a more positive note I think this weekend should be more about you, not mothers. It's always a great idea to celebrate your mother, but that can be difficult when you are depressed. I still got my mom a card but I choose her birthday to celebrate her more than mother's day. It was just to hard to focus on Mother's Day. As much as the thought is appreciated I really didn't like when the church or people tried to make the day about all women instead of just mothers. I get what they were trying to do, but let's face it the "Hallmark world" made it mother's day and as much as we try we can't change it. It really only makes it more difficult when people try to. So we should let Mother's Day be Mother's Day and let all the mother's celebrate it with their children. But, we don't have to surround ourselves with it. Here are some ideas for you to forget about Mother's Day and focus on you!
1. Go away for the weekend with your husband. Make it a fun get away that the two of you can really enjoy. Try "kid free" places. Find something you both enjoy and have fun. Make it more like a date, or marriage enrichment weekend.
2. Have a spa weekend. Sleep in, get a massage, manicure, pedicure... Spend the weekend focusing on relaxing and enjoying some you time!
3. Use this time to connect with God. Spend time reading your bible, fasting, praying. Even if you have to go out of town and have a retreat with God.
4. Get focused. Set some new goals (fertility related or not).
5. Do some much needed spring cleaning!
6. If you need to continue to heal emotionally, take some time do something in honor or in memory of your fertility loss or miscarriage(s). If you are reading this blog it's likely that you have watched month after month go by and nothing. Or you have went though the difficult journey that a miscarriage can bring. Maybe you have even decided to move on to adoption only to find out that this journey is not any easier. It's important through each phase of the journey to children to find closure and healing. If you haven't found that you really can't continue on till you do. There are many ways that we can do this. Here are a few examples of what I did to say "good bye"
*Cried my eyeballs out!
*Released balloons in memory of my children lost to miscarriage. I watched until the balloons disappeared into the heavens. I often vision myself being greeting by my children holding balloons when I get to heaven.
*Donated money to a cause I was passionate about in memory of my children lost to miscarriage.
*Made a stepping stone for my landscaping with the word HOPE on it. I see this stepping stone every time I come in and out of my house. It reminds me to NEVER loose HOPE, my dreams can still come true.
*I prayed that God would help me forgive. After I spent sometime in prayer, and cried, and cried, and cried, I got up and left my hurt at the feet of Jesus. This really was the turning point in my journey. After I let God have the control my dreams slowly started to unfold right in front of my eyes.
7. Keep your dream alive! Never stop believing in your dreams. I promise you that if you are open to God's will and timing your dream will come true!
I really am a believer in happy ever after. I love movies with that kind of ending. Anyone who knows me knows that I need to know if someone is going to die in the end. It really won't ruin the movie for me it just helps me prepare for what's to come. Most likely if that's the kind of ending I'm in for I'm not even going to watch the movie. I love movies where the couple goes on to live happily ever after. And yep I'm just crazy enough to think that can happen in real life. Although real life does have some bumps in the road and movies can't really express that well. Life is hard and sometimes we wonder if we really are going to survive this together. I believe you can and you will! One of the most difficult things during my journey is that God knows the end of my story, He can even choose to change it. Unlike getting answers from friends about the movie's ending, God doesn't always reveal those answers to us. It can be very difficult to trust God. Why not trust Him? He knows the ending and he loves you enough to walk you though some of the most difficult times in your life, so he can make you the person he wants you to be. God never does this for no reason. I believe He is preparing you for your dreams to come!
What do you think?
Click the link below and read an article about a Teacher who believes she was fired after receiving fertility treatments and then comment to share your thoughts.
http://www.indianasnewscenter.com/news/local/Teacher-Believes-She-Was-Fired-After-Receiving-Fertility-Treatments-148891235.html
http://www.indianasnewscenter.com/news/local/Teacher-Believes-She-Was-Fired-After-Receiving-Fertility-Treatments-148891235.html
4.16.2012
Trust
"We put a lot of trust out there every day without even thinking about it. Trust can sometimes bring us pain so why do we do it because trust also brings us peace, joy, and HOPE!" It seems as though the radio was full of good things today. I heard this quote in a commercial on the radio today (Star 88.3, Fort Wayne, IN) It's not word for word but it's basically what they said. It's so true too! I trust that my car will get me to work. I trust that my computer will work while I'm at work. I trust that my recliner is going to rock. Sometime we have "deeper"trust, like in other people. Sometime people let us down. Not always intentionally. Sometimes I have let others down. While I don't mean to, I am human. We should put our trust in God, he will never let us down!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make you paths straight." Proverbs 3:6&7, NIV
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make you paths straight." Proverbs 3:6&7, NIV
New Song I Love!
It's been a while since I posted a video. I heard this song on the way home from work today and the words are just great! I love it and I had to share it with you!
During my journey through infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss I quickly learned that if I didn't have hope, I would have nothing. When you carry a child through pregnancy you get to begin your attachment to your child. Since I was unable to do that it was hope that helped me begin my attachment to one day having a child or children. It may have been very risking for me to hope for each opportunity that came my way but it was a risk worth taking. Whether it was another failed attempt to get pregnant, another miscarriage, or another adoption failed I hoped that this one would be the child that God had for us. There was lots of heartache and pain, but without the hurts I wouldn't have come to the happiness. More importantly than the hurts there were miracles and hope and the happiness when God brought me to my dreams that were the realities He had for my life! Without hope we have nothing!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)